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Posts Tagged ‘men’

It was fun while it lasted, Dr. Pepper

I learned two things today about what it apparently means to be a man:

1. I should try to cut down on my calories.

2. Diet soft drinks will make my weenie shrivel up, or something like that.

Since our society seems to think that we are waging an epic, daily battle to prove our manly qualities to everyone around us, but prohibits us from walking around pantsless with a tape measure for comparison purposes, we have to be creative in how we spew our testosterone.

From Packaging Digest. Fair use appliesEnter Dr. Pepper TEN (note the very MANLY use of all-caps), which, according to Packaging Digest, promises all of the following:

Designed specifically for men who prefer the full-flavor experience of regular Dr Pepper but want a lower-calorie option without the diet imagery, Dr Pepper TEN will feature a distinctly masculine package design, complete with a gunmetal gray color scheme, industrial rivets and bold new font.

“As one of America’s favorite and oldest soft drinks, Dr Pepper has been a beverage innovator for more than 125 years,” says Dave Fleming, director of marketing for Dr Pepper. “Men told us that they wanted a low-calorie option with the full flavor of regular Dr Pepper—and that’s exactly what we’re delivering with Dr Pepper TEN. I’d say these are the 10 hardest-working calories in the beverage business.”

“Diet imagery”? Gunmetal gray with rivets? “The 10 hardest-working calories”? Do the marketing guys at Dr. Pepper actually know any men?

You know what? Screw this. I don’t like football all that much. In 1998-99, I went to Lilith Fair twice. I cry at the end of Serenity, every single time I watch it. I could give two craps what the rest of America thinks of how I rank on some imaginary scale of manliness. I also like Diet Dr. Pepper, but I’m not so sure I want to drink something so closely associated with a beverage that, regardless of how it actually tastes, has been rendered into swill through the power of marketing.