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Posts Tagged ‘spam’

My advice to people who use Twitter to send automated spam

Go die in a fucking fire.


E-mail scammers are getting creepy

I had a new batch of e-mails come in a moment ago, and among them was this gem:


my name is Juliet Bikai,I am a beautiful young girl searching for real love and protection. I became interested in you after viewing your contact,if it will be kind of you contact me,

Please you contact me With this email ***************** so as to explain myself for you and send you my pictures,
with love
Miss Juliet

Lagos_Island, photo by Benji Robertson, used under a Wikimedia Commons license

I'm not about to look for a stock photo to represent "Juliet," so here's the skyline of Lagos, Nigeria instead.

Now, maybe I am behind the curve, but I do not often get spam solicitation quite as blatant as this. At a glance, it has all the hallmarks of a classic 419 scam, except that it lacks any mention of money. No appeals to the love of Jesus. No remarkably fortuitous request to help move millions of dollars overseas and collect a fee. It isn’t even the lawyer variant of the 419 scam, since it lacks anything about a claim for collecting thousands or millions of dollars owed “in my jurisdiction.”

Nope, none of that.

Just a “beautiful young girl” seeking “real love and protection.”

I hesitate to ponder what is meant by “protection.” Is the Nigerian mob somehow involved? Is there a Nigerian mob?

What is the endgame here? 419 scams tend to be a semi-long con, but here I can’t even see an angle. All I can think of is that this person hopes to work his (do you really think it’s a her?) way into my heart via online communications until I am eager to send money. Then heartbreak and identity theft are sure to follow. There must be better ways to scam money out of people (unless, of course, “Juliet” is a smooth operator who enjoys the thrill of the hunt more than the actual payoff. Which is even more sad when you think about it.) I ought to just let it go, but I would hate to think that “Juliet” is out there waiting in vain for a reply from me.

Therefore, I now address myself specifically to “Juliet:”

Dear Juliet,
You are a young and beautiful girl with your whole future ahead of you. I’m sure that you, think, after viewing my contact, that we have some sort of connection. The truth is, that I am just a guy like any other, with my own life and my own issues. While I’m flattered by your interest, the best thing for you is to live your life and be the best Juliet you can be. There is a man in your jurisdiction, waiting for you, waiting to give you all the real love and protection you could ever want. You have all the strength and resourcefulness you need to find him and make a life with him. If you could find me, you can find the right man for you.
But alas, Juliet, you and I were not meant to be.
I wish you all the best. Stay strong, and never lose faith in yourself. Never lose faith in the person that is best able to love you and protect you, the person who will never, ever leave you. That person’s name is Juliet.
Sincerely, David